Light House

Have you ever seen a lighthouse standing peacefully against the vast blue sky, yet shining intensely in the storm, guiding lost ships back to safe shores?

Trustworthy and patient, the lighthouse opens its arms wide to welcome ships back from the four oceans regardless of their conditions: whether they are full of fresh fish and packed with passengers or damaged by thousands of undersea rocks with their faded crimson sails. 

As a student abroad, like a lonely ship struggling through foreign waves, there exists a lighthouse, my source of guidance and my beacon of hope: my grandmother.

I was born and brought up in her nurturing arms. In my eyes, she was the wonder woman, who achieved the impossible. She became a widow at the age of forty with seven daughters to bring up. Even in war time, never once did she allow her children to skip school or go to bed with empty stomachs. With a small iron box filled with homemade tidbits in Hanoi train station, she sent all of her daughters to college, supported them and their families until they were able to stand on their own feet. My grandmother, who would think twice before replacing her torn scarf of 30 years, never hesitated to share her half-full cup of water with a thirsty stranger. Patient and humble, she devoted her life to taking care of our family and improving the living condition of the people around her. 

As a child, I unconsciously followed my grandmother from the kitchen where she taught me the recipe of Vietnamese traditional desert, to the Women Union, the Orphanage and the Old Folk Home where separating donated toys into different boxes for children in need became one of my childhood favorite tasks. I used to sit among piles of collected old clothes, and watched her sew a missing button or darn a torn shirt for the less fortunate. Occasionally while writing her speech for the monthly meeting, she would teach me the proper way to write a meaningful piece of work. 

Little did I know then that those seemingly casual moments spent with my grandmother would leave a lifelong impact in my life. When I turned thirteen, she challenged me to venture beyond my comfort zone: learn Italian, travel to England on my own, take up different internships every summer holiday… Like the lighthouse unable to save the innocent boats from the tantrum of the storm, my grandmother could not protect me from the obstacles life posed on my path. As a young teacher, I once was in charged of a class where 25 out of 30 students played truancy. As waitress, I had to face difficult customers from time to time. As a foreign student, I sometimes taste the bitterness of discrimination and loneliness. However, it was not that difficult to make my drama team’s costumes out of bed sheets anymore after countless of time gazing upon my grandmother’s skillful hands mending clothes. Whenever I face difficulties, I just remind myself of all the challenges she encountered which she overcame with such grace and dignity. Nothing seems too impossible anymore.

On the 13th of October, 2009, while I was juggling between my college applications and Alevel exams, my grandmother took her last nap. In her peaceful sleep, she slipped away into another world. For a moment, I felt completely lost, as if my lighthouse had betrayed my eternal trust, leaving me alone in the storm. However, as I saw her for the last time, her final smile struck me with the beauty of peace and satisfaction. Is it because when she was alive, she lived true to her heart’s desire: sharing her knowledge with the illiterate, sharing her voice to the mute, sharing her privileges to the less fortunate? 

Although she is now gone, my lighthouse still shines dazzlingly as her legacy remains forever. I am determined to follow her footstep and live a significant life as a nurturing mother, an inspiring leader and a devoting member of society. One day, at the end of my restless road, I hope to greet my grandmother again, with a smile, the same one that stayed forever on her lips: the soft one, the satisfied one, the unregretful one. 


- MyLinh Phan's personal statement 2010

It's been a year, and I still sometime think, she is waiting for me at home with her longings
She loves me so much, never once, in the way I want her to - but I was such a fool not to understand: she loves me with all her heart

I am sorry
I miss you so so much